Since February, my oft-repeated motivational chant has been:
don’t give up, don’t give up, keep going, keep going*
It has been the first time in my life that I’ve felt the overwhelm of a single person with no one to pass the baton to.
I keep going.
Even when I want to say “I’m too sick to go to school today,” I keep going. Is this a definition of an adult? Being your own parent and knowing when you’re not ill and you’re simply trying to avoid something?
There is no time off for a Bodhisattva-in-training—I go to see what happens, I go to see what’s uncomfortable, I go to try to open instead of close. It really is not difficult. I have this precious, fortunate life. I have choices.
I’m tired, but I keep going.
Walking to work, I stop and look at a flower. I look at the clouds and the sky. Why are childhoods so short? I want to recapture that wonder, that optimism, that open heart.
I keep going.
Walking home after work, I see a woman and man who look like they’re play-fighting. But when I get closer, the woman looks upset and I don’t know if she’s being robbed or assaulted so I run up to them. When I get there, the man has his arms around her and she is crying. I ask if she is all right. He says: she’s all right. I say: ma’am, can you tell me if you’re all right? She does, but before she does, he shouts: she’s all right, BITCH!
I keep going. I don’t give up and crawl back into my cocoon. I don’t give up and put the blinders back on.
Simpler living semi-retirement seems so far away and the to-do list is long, all while keeping my job to help fund the move. I send my first payment to the company back home who will build my tiny house.
I don’t give up.
References and related links:
- *A mash of a line from a poem by The Dalai Lama and a line from a song by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche that I read around the same time.
- Bodhisattva: someone who strives to wake up for the benefit of all sentient beings.
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